


Apple Bunnies and Daisy Chains

by unavoidablekoishi



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 09:05:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11033058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unavoidablekoishi/pseuds/unavoidablekoishi
Summary: Being on a picnic with two of the nicest people he'd ever met made him feel sick to his stomach. He didn't belong here but sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants.





	Apple Bunnies and Daisy Chains

 

 

“Eh...? What’re you doing here?”

 

Gokuhara stood, perfectly straight, as a gentleman would, look rather expectantly down at the small tennis player.

 

“Gonta is inviting you to spend time with him today! It’s a really nice day outside!”

 

Hoshi looked up at Gokuhara with a kind of rueful smile. “Sorry, big guy, I’m not all for it.” The moment the refusal left his lips, Gokuhara’s face fell. “A-Aww...is Gonta unable to convince you? Please?”

 

Hoshi watched the gentle giants dismayed face, before sighing deeply. Did he really have a choice? It seems rude to just dismiss him like that...

 

“Alright, I’ll come out for a little bit. Just a little while, though.” He finally said, with a small smile. Gokuhara’s expression brightened and he looked over the moon.

 

“A little while is fine with Gonta!!” He clapped his oversized hands together, before striding off, waiting for the tennis player to join him. Hoshi actually had to keep a quick pace to keep up with Gokuhara’s large strides and it felt like a workout but he’d never admit that.

 

The sun outside was horribly dazzling, Hoshi pulled the brim of his hat a little over his eyes. Despite wearing glasses, Gokuhara remained un-blinded as they headed towards a grassy patch under the sun.

 

Gokuhara promptly sat down, cross-legged, before patting the spot next to him, eager for Hoshi to join him. Hoshi eyed the spot silently, before reluctantly taking a seat. They remained quiet for a few moments, though it wasn’t awkward.

 

“Gokuhara...why did you invite me out?”

 

Gokuhara smiled.

 

“Gonta thinks Hoshi needed a friend!”

 

Hoshi looked at him, wide-eyed and silent.

 

“See...Gonta thinks Hoshi is more sad than he says, but Gonta can’t force Hoshi to say why so the very least Gonta can do is keep him company...if- if that’s okay!!” The sudden uncertainty plastered onto the end snapped Hoshi out of his odd trance.

 

“U-Uh, yeah, that’s fine...that’s...you don’t need to do that, Gokuhara. I’m fine.” Hoshi assured, though his tone was low and clearly unsure. Gokuhara frowned. “Gonta doesn’t mean to be rude but Gonta doesn’t think so.”

 

Hoshi didn’t quite know what to say.

 

“But it’s okay- you don’t have to tell Gonta if you don’t want to!”

 

“...thanks...Gokuhara...”

 

The sun continued to blaze down upon the two male students yet somehow, it didn’t feel as overwhelming as before, though the heat was becoming a problem, eventually causing Hoshi to shed his jacket.

 

He had to admit, Gokuhara was right. It was a nice day out.

 

“You know...” Gokuhara began, “...when all of my insects begin to hatch, I’ll be able to set them free out here! Then we’ll have a proper little...uhh...ecosystem! But bugs!” Gokuhara announced brightly. His love for bugs really was something. Hoshi almost missed the days he was that passionate about his own talent.

 

He wondered if it were possible for Gokuhara to use his insects to do something as bad as he had. Gokuhara always had good intentions- he’d never harm something or someone just for the sake of harming them, though Gokuhara did have the capacity to do something generally considered bad for the sake of something good.

 

Though he knew, no matter how good his cause was, he’d never stoop down to murder. If he did, he’d be overwhelmingly unstoppable.

 

Yet murder or no murder, Gokuhara was undeniably stronger than Hoshi could ever be and he didn’t necessarily envy him for that- he’d grown tired of being envious of anything- but the feeling he felt was...bittersweet. He was happy Gokuhara could be that strong and all for the right reasons, but he cursed himself for being the way he was.

 

He often began to wonder if his reasoning was valid.

 

“Ah! Toujou!”

 

Hoshi was snapped from his little trance to see the always-elegant figure of Toujou a little ways away, carrying a fairly decent sized basket. Toujou gave a small wave in response, speeding up to a brisk pace to join them on the grass.

 

“Good afternoon.” She greeted with a bow, placing the basket down onto the grass, before withdrawing a large cloth from it. With a few flaps, she spread the cloth out onto the grass and beckoned the boys to sit with her.

 

“Toujou, you made lunch...?” Gokuhara gasped, peeking into the wicker basket with a smile. “That was really nice of you!” As per usual, Toujou’s response was a curt smile and an insistence that it was no problem.

 

Toujou was undeniably an amazing lady. Few people in the world genuinely put everybody’s interests before their own the way she did and Hoshi could say for sure if she wasn’t around, the group would’ve fallen apart in terms of meals and routine laundry. And though it was selfish to say he liked her for the work she did, he was secretly grateful for the extensive help she offered with his own height-related problems.

 

Toujou opened the basket, pulling out three plates and passing them around. Hoshi reluctantly took a plate, not planning to eat much- he didn’t like to eat in front of the others. He wasn’t all too sure why. Maybe it felt revealing to show the others that even a murderer like him ate and slept and performed other tasks that were...human.

 

Lots of people seemed to forget the fact that murderers and convicts were actually human too and capable of human emotion- he’d spent so long reducing his entire personality and being down to scum that showing even the basic of human functions seemed...wrong.

 

But when Toujou began laying out food, he felt his ‘plan’ waver ever so slightly. Damn, he’d forgotten how amazing Toujou was at cooking- he’d taken to fixing his own meals after the others had left and even then it was the most basic things like rice and vegetables but he had to admit he’d missed eating Toujou’s food every once in a while.

 

“I made onigiri and sushi, some sandwiches, a little bit of soup, some cake-“

 

“Toujou! What are these?”

 

Gokuhara’s question brought Toujou out of her listing of foods to see him pointed a large finger at some dainty little treats she’d made. She smiled, watching his delighted expression.

 

“Apple bunnies. See, they’re merely slices of apple cut into a rabbit shape. Do you like them?” Gokuhara nodded rapidly. “They’re very nice! Hoshi! Look at these!” He carefully picked up the plate of apple bunnies to show Hoshi.

 

“Ah...they’re...cute.” Was his slow reply as he gazed at the cute apple slices.

 

He ended up taking two.

 

And an onigiri too.

 

...

 

And maybe a sandwich.

 

He felt scorn rising up inside him- was his self-control really that terrible? He should’ve guessed. Then again...it would be rude to refuse outright when Toujou took the time to make all of this.

 

Then again, Gokuhara had more than enough in him to eat Hoshi’s share as well.

 

Hoshi slowly chewed a bite of his apple bunny, feeling the subtle sweet juices spread over his tongue. It felt bad to eat them- they were so cute too. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Gokuhara scarfed down his plateful of food. Toujou, herself, was daintily nibbling on a sandwich.

 

All in all...a very pleasant atmosphere. There wasn’t any tense feeling of distrust when Ouma was around, or the odd feeling when Shinguuji was nearby or even the threat of death when Chabashira so much as looked in his direction.

 

It was peaceful, with the two most peaceful people in their group, eating lunch with what he’d call the least peaceful person- him.

 

In a sudden feeling of gut-wrenching anxiety, he felt incredibly out of place.

 

He didn’t belong with these two. Both of them were selfless and never resorted to violence unless strictly necessary. Both of them treated everybody around them with kindness and respect.

 

They were both what he wasn’t.

 

For a moment...he thought he was going to be sick- and the expression on his face didn’t pass by Toujou’s keen eye.

 

“Hoshi...are you feeling okay?”

 

Her soft, clear words felt like an emetic to his stomach as he felt the nausea heighten. He had to get out of here. He needed to find a bathroom but for some reason, he couldn’t quite bring himself to move.

 

“I’m fine.” He managed to choke out, placing the rest of the apple bunny in his mouth, hoping the sweet taste would distract him from the feeling of sickness.

 

“Hoshi doesn’t look so well...” Gokuhara commented sorrowfully, placing his own plate down.

 

“Are you ill? I can take you to the infirmary if you’d like.” Toujou offered, leaning over a little to inspect Hoshi’s unusually pale face. His eyes, despite being wide and generally unblinking in general, looked hazy and reminiscent of that of a dead fish. When he didn’t respond, Toujou looked between the two boys, wondering just what to do.

 

“Gokuhara, if you’re done with your food for now, I brought a game we could play.” Toujou offered, brandishing a deck of cards. Gokuhara looked between the cards and Hoshi with uncertainty. “W-What about Hoshi? Is he okay?”

 

“I think he’d prefer it if we leave him be for a little while. I’m sure he’ll join in with us when he feels better.” Toujou told him sincerely- Gokuhara seemed to understand just what she meant and decided a card game sounded good.

 

Meanwhile, for Hoshi, the nausea began to subside minutes into their game. The lingering taste of the apple bunny had now turned sour, but he felt better. That wasn’t quite right- had he eaten something funny? He set down his plate, feeling a twinge of guilt for not eating what he’d picked out, but directed his attention to the game.

 

Toujou had taught Gokuhara how to play snap.

 

It was amusing to watch Gokuhara’s delighted expression when he got a pair. He didn’t have the sharpest reflexes and he was sure if Toujou was playing competitively, she would probably win every round, but she seemed to be having fun playing in a more relaxed manner.

 

...

 

He envied them.

 

He thought he’d grown past envy by now- there wasn’t much he deserved in his life but this wasn’t what he deserved it was what he wanted.

 

He wanted to be able to play with them. He wanted to not feel sick every time he looked at somebody. He wanted...to be somebody he wasn’t.

 

But then if he wasn’t him, then his shitty excuse for a past would’ve been hoisted onto somebody else’s shoulders like Gokuhara- he couldn’t imagine what it would be like for him if his family and all he held dear had been killed. So for the sake of keeping others from having a fate like that, he was happy to keep it to himself.

 

It was the least he deserved anyway.

 

“Snap!”

 

Gokuhara’s cheerful voice rang through the silence as he slammed his card down. Toujou gave him a pleasant smile in congratulations for his victory. Hoshi looked back at the lone apple bunny that sat on his plate. Like him, it looked rueful...

 

...

 

He placed it back on the plate with all the other apple bunnies.

 

He did end up slowly chewing the sandwich which, as always, tasted flawless. Hell, it was a half-metre climb to actually get to the kitchen counter for him and even when he was cooking by himself, he made something simple that required little effort.

 

Prison food had really knocked his system out of whack- he’d been used to an athlete’s diet during his tennis playing days but those were now long gone, though it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get back into shape.

 

“Hoshi!”

 

Gokuhara, having won about sixteen matches of snap, looked very pleased with himself. “Do you want to play snap with Gonta?”

 

Hoshi swallowed the bite of sandwich down thickly before giving a weak refusal. Playing games like that meant he might slip back into his competitive ways and he was far too tired for that. Not to mention Gokuhara was the last person he wanted to get competitive with.

 

Thankfully, Gokuhara didn’t take it with offense, believing that Hoshi was still feeling ill and needed some more time alone. He didn’t necessarily understand why, but Toujou understood and Toujou was never wrong.

 

As he finished his sandwich, he vaguely overheard Toujou packing the cards away and offering to teach Gokuhara how to make daisy chains. He, himself, hadn’t noticed the vast array of daisies on the grass- it seemed a little misplaced in an area like this.

 

Looking down at his empty place, he decided he’d try making one too.

 

Sometimes simple, repetitive tasks were soothing and gave him something to do without much substance- it reflected his own life in a rather sad manner.

 

He picked the daisies with the longest stems that he could find within arms reach, before making a pile of them on the picnic blanket. Gokuhara and Toujou had gotten up to mosey around and find their own, leaving Hoshi alone.

 

He vaguely remembered how to make one- they were very popular in elementary school. He slit the daisy’s stem open with his blunt thumbnail, before pushing the stem of a another daisy through it, successfully linking them.

 

Gokuhara and Toujou returned shortly after with their own handfuls of daisies. Watching Gokuhara attempt to slit a tiny daisy stem with his oversized fingers was endearing to say the least. Despite snapping at least three daisies already, Gokuhara didn’t get frustrated- he was just enjoying himself.

 

For a moment, he felt embarrassed of himself, and was reminded just why he’d left his competitive ways behind. Frustration was something he felt more often than he’d like to admit but now, the feeling of frustration was replaced by exhaustion.

 

“Wow, Hoshi’s chain is already so long! He’s really good at this!” Gokuhara remarked brightly. Hoshi cracked a smile- when was the last time he’d ever been praised for something?

 

Toujou had decided to then take a seat between Gokuhara and Hoshi, looking over at the chain Hoshi was making. “You’ve clearly done this before.” She commented with a small smile.

 

“Did it a lot as a kid. Girls liked that sorta thing, y’know?” He smirked.

 

“They do indeed.”

 

...

 

“Toujou...”

 

Toujou tilted her head, not looking up from the chain she was making.

 

“Do you...ever get really tired?” He wanted to lower his voice so Gokuhara wouldn’t overhead but that felt somewhat wrong.

 

Toujou paused. “Physically...but not mentally.” She replied. Hoshi flushed slightly, was his question really that transparent? He should’ve just kept his mouth shut.

 

“That being said, I’ve been raised with this mindset and I haven’t experienced anything that would cause a questioning of morals or self-doubt.” She added.

 

“You don’t have any flaws.” Hoshi replied, bluntly. Could’ve used a bit more tact but Toujou seemed to understand, because Toujou always understood.

 

“That’s...incorrect.” She frowned, “I have plenty of flaws. Some people say my overwhelming desire to serve others is a flaw in itself.”

 

“I can see why they’d say that. You’re not exactly living for yourself.”

 

“I like to believe I am. Serving others makes me happy and those around me happy too. I couldn’t ask for a better bargain.” She smiled, but Hoshi still looked somewhat downcast.

 

“But...” She added, “...come certain circumstances, I may be forced to make regrettable decisions.”

 

Hoshi shrugged. “But that wording means you haven’t- it just means you might do in the future.”

 

“The past disappears quickly for me. I have too many duties that rely on my focus on the future and not on the past.” Toujou replied, softly. “I can see the same cannot be said for you.”

 

“I’ve got nothin’ in the future for me.” Hoshi wanted to feel angry about that, but couldn’t. It was his own fault, after all.

 

“Being here gave you a second chance.” was all Toujou responded with.

 

“A second chance for what? To fuck things up again and lose things I don’t even have.” Hoshi remarked, bitterly.

 

“That’s not true.”

 

Gokuhara’s voice gave Hoshi a mild heart attack- had he actually been listening the whole time?

 

“You have Gonta here for you, and Toujou too.”

 

Toujou smiled. “He is correct.”

 

“I...appreciate the sentiment, really I do.” Hoshi began, “but wasting your time on me isn’t a good idea.” He smiled, ruefully.

 

Gokuhara tilted his head. “Why’s that?”

 

“I’ve got...nothing going for me.” Hoshi split the daisy stem so hard it threatened to break. “Sure I managed to escape death but for what? Just to wander around with nothing. Y’know how hard it is to...” He sighed, “...just to keep going with nothing left.”

 

“You’re managing well.” Toujou told him, “And, though we might not say it, everybody understands that it’s difficult for you. Everybody respects how well you’re coping.”

 

“What does that mean? Who says I even want to cope...” Hoshi’s tone lowers as his grip on the daisy chain tightens- he’s only got three daisies left. What good are three daises gonna do? Why was he even making a chain to begin with?

 

He added another daisy. Counting, that made fourteen.

 

“You’d rather succumb to something more...fatal...?” Toujou was careful in her wording so as not to alarm Gokuhara.

 

“I don’t...really care. I don’t. Sometimes I wake up in the mornings and I just-...I wish I hadn’t.”

 

He added another daisy. Fifteen.

 

“I...thought I worked hard, y’know, to get..what I had. I was happy. I was actually happy and then it just disappeared. Guess I ended up wrecking my own life too. Sucks to break down what you built up before.”

 

“You don’t want to go through building things back up because you’re afraid it’ll be broken again.” Toujou stated. Alarming accuracy- Hoshi couldn’t deny it.

 

“It...hurt. When they all died. You think about it every now and then- losing the people you love the most but when it happens, it all feels like a dream. Then you wake up and you realise they’re gone forever and you...wish you hadn’t.”

 

“We’re not going anywhere. We’re all your friends and we will help you if you need it.”

 

“I don’t get why you’d waste your time on a killer...I don’t get why anybody here would. It feels like they’re just lying to me.”

 

“You...don’t want to accept the fact people care about you. You think that makes us targets?” Toujou wondered aloud, neatly linking up her daisy chain to form a ring.

 

“It makes you important and I can’t have any more important people in my life.” Hoshi spat, feeling his fingers shake slightly as he furiously attempted to thread the last daisy onto the chain.

 

“Because...”

 

“Because if you stay around me you’re all going to die!”

 

He hadn’t expect his voice to be that loud- Gokuhara jumped in his spot, but didn’t turn around.

 

Hoshi looked down. The daisy chain had broken apart in several places, now impossible to fix. He blankly attempted to contemplate what he’d just done. It was all broken- he didn’t want to make new things for them to break again and again and again and again and---

 

\---for the first time, his eyes stung with tears and before he could will them away, they slowly began to roll down his cheeks.

 

There were fifteen other people here to claimed to be his friend and he couldn’t help but think death waited just around the corner for them if they hung around him. He couldn’t handle that. Not now, not ever.

 

Yet, even before those friendships really turned into something, he’d broken them himself, like playing a tennis match and expecting to lose. Trying to lose. Why was he trying to lose?

 

Because he didn’t deserve it.

 

The corners of his mouth trembled slightly, his jaw ached with the unfamiliar sensation of oncoming tears. He’d held back tears many a time before now but for some reason, they just wouldn’t stop.

 

He felt Toujou’s hand on his back and wanted to vomit. He could feel the pieces of his daisy chain laying limply in the open palms of his hands. That was too much.

 

Why was he crying over a daisy chain?

 

“Nobody’s asking you to be friends with them. They aren’t asking for intimacy. They just want you to know that they’re there for you. Take Harukawa for example. I can’t picture her rushing to be your friend, but she’ll listen to you if you ask.”

 

“W....why...?”

 

This was pitiful. He’d hit rock bottom. He hadn’t felt this pathetic in his life.

 

“Why what?”

 

“Why won’t they just leave me alone. It’s...better for them that way.”

 

Toujou smiled. “Because, like me, they think about other people. I feel you and I share the same flaw. We both live to keep the others safe, albeit in different ways, but we always end up ignoring what we want or how we feel.”

 

“It doesn’t matter how I feel. It shouldn’t matter.”

 

“But it matters to us. Well...scale down the picture for a moment. Ignore the others and just focus on us. Gokuhara and I are more than happy to spend time with you because we do care about you.”

 

Hoshi pulled the brim of his hat over his eyes, feeling the tears stain the fabric.

 

“Think about yourself for a moment. This isn’t about what you need or deserve. Right now, it’s about what you want.”

 

“I...want...” When was the last time he’d said those words? Wanting was not an option in prison. He paused.

 

“I...don’t want to be alone anymore.”

 

It was a selfish request coming from him. He truthfully did not want to remain by himself but the thoughts of what came with relationships filled him with dread.

 

“You’re not going to be.”

 

“But I don’t want you to die....”

 

“We aren’t going to die.”

 

Hoshi tilted his head towards Toujou, a retort forming on his tongue, but Toujou frowned. “You look at Gokuhara and tell me somebody is going to kill him.”

 

Hoshi cracked a sad smile, before focusing his gaze back to his daisy chain. Was he still upset about that?

 

Toujou took a fraction of the daisy chain front his hands. “To want is not selfish and to cry is not shameful.” She told him.

 

“Wanting? You’re being a bit of a hypocrite. Why don’t you tell me what you want?”

 

Toujou smiled. “I really want you to get better.”

 

Oh. That...he might’ve just walked into that one.

 

“I don’t get why you would but...okay...”

 

“And you care a lot about what other people want, don’t you? The same way I do?”

 

He nodded slowly.

 

“Then perhaps we can fulfill each others wishes.”

 

“Gonta wishes for everybody to be okay. Especially you two...” Gonta chirped, placing his slightly wonky daisy chain onto the blanket with pride in his eyes. Hoshi smiled, for a guy with huge fingers, he hadn’t done a half-bad job.

 

Compared to his own miserable excuse for a chain. He watched Toujou take the last daisy and thread it against the other one. That made three in total.

 

But instead of adding any more, Toujou linked the two ends together to form a tiny little daisy chain. It was more of a ring than anything else. She handed it back to Hoshi, placing it delicately in the palm of his hand. He didn’t quite expect to end up making daisy chains with Gokuhara and Toujou but it was...nice. Real nice.

 

He looked over at the others.

 

Gokuhara’s chain was sloppy and a little misshapen, but it made a whole daisy chain and that was a success in Gokuhara’s eyes.

 

Toujou’s chain was neat, near perfect, as it would be, but she hadn’t even looked at it during the past ten minutes.

 

Hoshi’s chain was small, made of three, slightly wilted with almost snapped stems not to mention he’d had help with it as well...

 

Yet, somehow, it made him incredibly happy to have it.


End file.
